I’m sending greetings from a remote planet, fellow tennis lovers. Some call it paradise, others call it Canada and the haters say “wait, until winter comes around”. I and my bagel-filled belly will not have our excitement be dimmed.
In Montréal, they boil their bagels in honey-sweetened water and bake it in a wood-fired oven and that’s exactly how you make a great tennis player. A little honey-sweet praise here and a little wood-fire under their asses there - that’s all it takes.
Eugenie Bouchard has been the dominant story in Montréal these past few days. How big of a story, you ask? Bars all over town replaying her matches 24/7 big. I bought eye drops this morning, Genie was on the screen. Later, I ate fruit on a park bench, Genie was on the screen. No matter where I went, Genie was already there. No, I will not make a Genie in a bottle joke (but you can insert it here ____ instead of me if you want). One last time, Bouchard showed what a fierce competitor she was back in the day before injuries and life derailed her career. Taking the ball early, the backhand down-the-line, the I-don’t-care-about-you attitude, the fearlessness - it was all there again and it made me miss her while she was still out on court.
She got a win against Emiliana Arango and a set off Belinda Bencic. She then got a worthy presentation for a worthy career in both French and English. Former world number 5, Wimbledon runner-up. And I hate to say it, but she also made a strong case for playing pickleball to prepare for tennis matches but I will not be leaning into that. I will need my privacy in this difficult time for my sport. Because tennis is a sport, pickleball is a game.
My rule of thumb is: If you can do it drunk, it’s not a sport.
If you have wondered why some of the matches haven’t been up to par in terms of quality, particularly in the first few rounds - we’ve seen double faults en masse, we’ve had unforced errors in bulks - well, what the clay to grass change is in surface is the Slazenger to Wilson switch in tennis balls. From the heaviest to the lightest within days and not only that, while the Slazenger ball fluffs up when it gets played the Wilson ball (unless it’s very humid) becomes almost bald. So, from having full control over where shots are going with the Slazenger and potentially having to go down in string tension to ensure you have enough depth against the best in the world, you now struggle to keep a grip on your serve, groundstrokes and, of course, your sanity. Once the sanity is gone, the good tennis is right there with it, following sanity like a loyal puppy.
In short, keep a grip on your serve if you want to keep a grip on your sanity. She’s a fickle, little monster.
A few more words on Montréal before I go. It’s an eerily beautiful city. There’s the hint of honey in my bagel, but there’s also the underground pathways and malls that leave a bittersweet taste behind, testifying to winters colder than Jannik Sinner is under pressure. Colder than ACs in North America, colder than the Atlantic in February. There’s the gentle québécois accent greeting you in excellent coffee shops everywhere paired with potholes that might cost you a tooth or two. Every glimpse of beauty comes with the reminder that it’s perishable - and isn’t that the best kind?
Dualities are what make the world go around and dualities are what the whole sport of tennis has been build on. Maybe that’s why we have lost our hearts to it.
P.S. Canadian sports fans are the best. They would never watch pickleball.
Thank you everyone for last week’s comments and indulging a thought experiment, even coming up with some fun schools of thought of your own. For the others who yelled at me for not mentioning their favourite player or disagreeing with what I did come up with, I tell you this: A prophet is not accepted in his own hometown.
LOL.
Things that make me happy:
A hot dish in hot weather can do wonders to your physiological functions. It might sound counter-intuitive (and maybe scientifically it is) but lately, I’ve been eating Ramen on particularly hot days and feel replenished every time. When in doubt, order Ramen for take-out.
Things that make me unhappy:
I took myself out on a date last week to see the movie F1. The movie was entertaining, my companion (me) smelled good and it could’ve been a perfect night. However - and I realise this category has become more and more a condemnation of human behaviour - during the 2 hours and 35 minutes that the film lasted I counted 17 people get up, leave the theatre and come back while looking at their phones and just standing in the aisle before going to their seats. If it was a dark scene, they would even turn on their flashlights on their phones and shine it into the other viewers’ eyes to find their seat. Since when has a film in a movie theatre become a suggestion instead of a commitment? No more bagels for you!
May you have wicked dreams tonight and don’t forget to put maple sirup on absolutely everything. See you all next week!
Yours truly, Andrea
“Because tennis is a sport, pickleball is a game. My rule of thumb is: If you can do it drunk, it’s not a sport.” …… literally made me laugh-out-loud 😂
Another publication covered Bouchards last match, and some of the negativity in the comments really made me angry. It’s fair to comment on sport (or game) with respect, but the number of couch potato losers weighing in on how Bouchard, or for that matter, any player, “could have done better” ——- well, if it’s that easy maybe get away from your keyboard buddy and try making a Wimbledon final yourself sometime. Here we know there will be none of that stupidity. Ok, rant over. I think it’s based in jealousy.