Debate or tennis match
5 things you need to win a confrontation
I think it’s fair to say that most of us watched the debate between Kamala Harris and Donald Trump earlier this week or at least snippets of it, presumably about eating pets, the day after. I am German. I have very little to do with American politics. I have very little to do with German politics if we’re completely honest. I did, however, play professionally in one of the most competitive individual sports there is for 16 years. In tennis, you go to battle (almost) every day. I know what it’s like to go into one-on-one combat, I know what it takes. Here are 5 things you need to consider if you find yourself in a metaphorical fist fight. That could be a pay raise negotiation with your boss, a tennis match with a frenemy or an argument with your partner. I got you covered. This is what will help you succeed.
Be prepared
This might seem like an obvious one but let me tell you what I mean with it exactly. The reason we repeat things over and over again as tennis players is really to train the subconscious mind. The subliminal systems, whether that is muscle memory or heart rate or thought processes, need to kick into place when the heat of the battle is 1000 degrees hot. When a baby cries in the stands while you try to focus, when you get stressed and nervous, you shouldn’t have to think about technique or what you want to say. These things need to be so automatic, so ingrained within you that they can’t be stopped no matter what happens. Hone your craft. Train. Practice. Challenge yourself with new tasks.
If you need to learn something by heart, a speech for example, it’s best to learn it backwards. This is an old actor’s trick for long monologues. You start with the last sentence and work yourself to the front. It might take longer initially but this way the further you get when you start saying it your brain will recognise more and more. Your brain will feel positively reinforced and everything will be easier memorised.
Be confident - but leave room for anxiety
It might sound counterintuitive but it’s of the utmost importance that you at all times leave room for anxiety. Of course, you need to be confident in what you do and trust your preparation (see point above) and yourself. Believe that you got this. But when things do go awry, and boy do they go awry, when shit hits the fan as my friend Rennae Stubbs always says, you need to have an appropriate amount of controllable anxiety to be able to recognise that shit is hitting the fan. This anxiety helps you redirect the ship when it’s on its way to collision. Confidence is great but arrogance has never been a good advisor in life. Think Napoleon or that Titanic captain or, while we’re at it, Donald Trump. Anxiety is a messenger from the subconscious mind we have trained to function that something is off and adapting is necessary. But beware to not mix up anxiety with…
Being uncomfortable
Being uncomfortable is part of competing. It’s possibly the main part of competing. Doing well when the birds are singing and the wind is calm and the temperature is just right is swell and all but it is not what will usually happen when push comes to shove. What usually happens is Murphy’s law. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong and you WILL be uncomfortable. To be fair, just as many things will go right but because you are stressed and your opponent is throwing wenches at you it might FEEL like everything is going badly. Be okay with feeling not quite right in your skin. With the sweat in your palms, with a higher pulse and that bloody person on the other side who is trying to mess things up for you. In one-on-one combat the one who keeps a cool mind in an uncomfortable situation will usually win. When Kamala Harris brought up crowd sizes at rallies Donald Trump lost his cool and went off script. We saw what happened. It not only rattled him but it also built up confidence in Kamala Harris. Which, as we saw in the point above, is a necessary tool on the path to victory.
Accept your surroundings
This is a very important and underestimated part of a confrontation. By surroundings I don’t only mean the geographical situation, though that too. Novelists use weather to underline emotional events in their plots, tennis players can use weather to make or break a performance. Is it hot, is it cold? Is it humid or dry? Is it windy? All these things will not only impact the playing conditions but also the preparation beforehand. What to eat, what to drink, how to string your racquets, what to bring with you on court. As the characters in a novel have to bow to the whims of their author so do players have to accept the conditions of any given day. Isabell Werth, a German equestrian and one of the best in the history of dressage, takes her horse into the arena before every competition. She just stands there next to it for 10 minutes while the horse becomes familiar with the audience, the arena and the rest of the setting. She lets the horse not only feel the surroundings but tries to conjure up her own stress to have the horse feel that too. If you know what’s coming it will be easier to have it be merely background rather than a distraction.
Breathe
Breathing releases stress, helps relax, etc. etc. etc. We all know that or have heard of it somewhere. So basically, breathe deeply and into your stomach. But breathing is particularly important for women. Let me explain why. Since I retired from tennis, I mostly work with my voice. Whether that is a commentator and analyst for a tennis match or in some of the keynote speeches I give for brands and companies. My voice is my tool. My voice is what my muscles used to be when I was still playing. When we’re nervous we breathe shallower which means our neck and breast muscles get tight which means we unknowingly lift up our shoulders which strains the vocal chords. We start to press our voice. As women have already voices higher in pitch than men this will affect them even more and we will sound nervous. Leaving room for anxiety is good, showing your opponent you are anxious is not. You’re an actress on stage. You portray self assuredness. The voice is part of that appearance. Another thing some women do is speak higher in order to be liked. It’s something we’ve been socialised to do for safety reasons as we are not as physically strong as men. When you go into battle, you do not want to be liked. You want to win. Bring your voice down, breathe into your stomach and win it all.
Good luck with your next confrontation and I can’t wait to hear all the success stories after you’ve carefully done absolutely none of the things I advised you to do. LOL
Things that make me happy:
I just discovered the song Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan. I like it so much that I won’t listen to it because I’m afraid I will use up the initial magic of it when I heard it the first time.
Things that make me unhappy:
I just flew back from New York to Germany and the jet lag is sucking my soul out of my body and turning me into a zombie. But funnily enough, that is not what makes me unhappy this week. What makes me unhappy is the fact that on the flight they had the brilliant Before film trilogy by Richard Linklater. Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Before Midnight, however, the last part of the trilogy they DID NOT HAVE. Who does that?
I will see you all next week and until then, remember to watch everything young Ethan Hawke is in. You can thank me later for it.
Yours truly, Andrea
Things that make me happy: when you're blessing us with 2 articles in 1 week 🙌🏻
I shared a drink with Ethan Hawke in a bar last year. He told good stories. Then he vanished into the night. True story.