Wow Andrea! I love reading your writings…you are a literary virtuoso. “The solitude that comes with it, stitched into the seems of the fabric, invisible, sown by a master, is merely a side effect.”
In Charles Darwin’s terms, tennis is a natural selector that identifies those humans that can manage the fine line between solitude and loneliness. Those that can’t, will get out of the sport.
I guess tennis players are even attracted by the constant 1-on-1 battles and the permanent tests demanding you to show that you can survive on your own. And if you survive on a tennis court, sure as hell you will withstand all the off-court challenges.
I would lean for the former. Tennis involves so many/frequent defeats, each one with such strong emotional impact, that you don't have time or aren't emotionally ready to learn. It has to be inate (and probably associated with stubborness?).
Being very bright and intellectually inclined brings its own kind of loneliness in this world but seems like a cross to bear as a professional jock. You’ve skillfully captured the bleakness of competition, the remorseless effort to join the Valhalla of athletic gods. (Even that great warrior, Rafael Nadal, does not wish the lonely life of tennis on his son.) Very brave writing indeed - welcome to the gray everyday of regular folk where you are certainly making lots of friends.
OMG - Lost in Translation is one of my favorite movies of all time. My favorite two scenes are
the heart felt conversations in bed and the last scene when he whispers in her ear.
There is something so deeply complicated yet honest about those scenes. I read an interview by Director Sofia Coppola who said the movie was loosely based on a personal experience. In the interview she also laments about how she struggled to contact Bill Murray about appearing in the movie. Apparently he has agent that he checks in with every blue moon. She had to call the agent repeatedly only to hear, I have no idea where he is? Thank God she was able to track him down.
I think what the movie captures what it is to be all alone on the road without any of your daily artifices to distract and protect you.
The question I have for you, which you didn't touch on, is what is it to have to say goodbye
to everything and everyone every week. Granted you will see the traveling tennis circus next week.
but I'm talking about the people on the ground.
I was lucky enough for a decade to be on the chair committee for a WTA Event in San Diego. There used to be a summer swing between Wimbledon and The US Open that including a tournament in Palo Alto, San Diego, and Los Angeles.
In spite of making some great long term relationships with tour folks, umpires, and players
my favorite people were tournament attendees.
The first one was a nerdy kid who used to have the girls autograph a baseball. He also brought flowers. At first we thought he was a geek. One day I started to talk to him and his story blew me away. He worked at Burger King. He took a week's vacation every year to come to the tournament.
He rode the bus 45 minutes every day to come to the tournament. That day he went from geek to hero. We upgraded his seats and introduced him to everyone.
The second was an older gentlemen named Phil Verplanck. Over a few years I noticed he was always standing in the corner of the stadium during matches. He was very quiet, polite and low key, yet he seemed to know a lot of players. One day I introduced myself and heard his story. Wow! He was a retired oil and fellow Yale alum. Late in life he fell in love with tennis. Although he lived in LA he used to drive to every Stanford women's tennis matches. After that we always met for dinner on the eve of the tournament and when I went to LA for the tournament we would go together. One year at the tournament we left a lopsided stadium to watch Lori McNeill play doubles on an outside court. As we approached the court I saw former basketball great Wilt Chamberlin and actress Robin Givens sitting on the benches watching the match. Chamberlin came to our tournament and a reputation for putting autograph seeking fans in their place. As we walk closer to the court I was filled with anxiety that we were going to get an ear full. Chamberlin turned around to my surprise he said "Phil, Phil Verplanck?, How in the hell are you?"
You might have not met Phil or the nerdy kid, but I'm sure you met people like them.
People, who if you peel the onion a few layers deep, have amazing stories.
Another character was Eric Von Harpen. I'm not sure if you knew him, he was a German tennis coach that worked with Conchita Martinez and Anna Kournikova, to name a few.
He was gruff and a little harsh, but he needed a drinking buddy at night and I had the free time. He dragged me to more than a few late night bars to be the wingman. He had a quick eye for a pretty ankle back then!
This is actually an excellent article about how Dr. Ruth has recognized loneliness as a major societal problem and is attempting to do something about it.
Wow, Andrea. I am actually a bit chagrined — as a professionally trained journalist — to say that this is a brilliant piece of writing. I have felt many of those same moments traveling for gigs. Well done!
I have sent you an email about a doc I am working on related to tennis players. Might you read or reply? ambrune@gmail.com. Keep up the great writing — it’s a bit Didionesque.
These feelings apply to chess players often as well. When you're working your hardest to compete and the tournaments don't come to you, a person often has to learn the language of hotels, and the art of enjoying others alone.
This is why I take my folding travel bike with me on travel. Jump on the bike and go see what is out there beyond the chains of the 3 blocks around the hotel. Strava shows you where local bikers ride for options and routes to follow. And my bike video records all kinds of fun cameos.
Andrea the Muse.....you are exposing the 'Lies by omission' .......in sports for every 'winner' who gets all the focus and spotlight a massive trail of blood, sweat and tears is shed by the competitors....should everyone get a gold star?.....hardly, for that is the commoditization of our Humanity which is seen and experienced in the de-Humanizing modern world we reside of non-offending decor and food which does not challenge your palate you speak of.......no, the greatness of the Human experience lies in conflict but from that conflict we must find peace, resolution and reconciliation (mostly with ourselves).....you are on this journey and have enlisted we readers on it too.
As your career went on, did you find it easier to make friends on tour? I know Maria Sharapova reportedly chose not to make friends among people she was going to compete against - but I always assumed that was an exaggerated media take. Chris Evert certainly seemed to have friends despite being 100% "I'll claw your eyes out" on the court.
Early in my writing career, I got to go on a fair amount of business trips, which enabled me to experience a number of US cities I might not have ever been to otherwise, or got me to places I wanted to go sooner than I could have done on my own. But as I've gotten older, I've grown grateful for traveling less for business - maybe once a year now - I like my own bed, my things, my dog.
But I won't deny as a weekend tennis player and avid fan of the ATP and WTA tours, I certainly romanticized the tour life. A trip every spring to Rome and Paris! London in the summer, New York at the end of the summer. Etc. Now that I am older I know that "glamor" viewed from the outside often is not what we'd expect. But I hope you took at least as much good as bad from your experiences.
If you were unhappy, it did not come across from your engaging behavior when you played, including your beloved victory dance.
dear joe, it was much easier later in my career when i had made friends on tour - i really enjoyed traveling in the end. the beginning was rough because everything is new and you‘re afraid that making friends with your rivals will affect your game. but with maturity came friends and life was much easier!
You're like a rare bird that lands on a windowsill, glowing with a fascinating energy and a song that piques curiosity - except your melody is coming out in words now too and I get it.
Over the years I learned how to embrace the solitude and melancholy I feel, sometimes more intensely than others. It's kind of powerful when you channel it. Hope to share a slice sometime, even if imaginary.
You raise the intelligence level of Tennis Channel whenever you are on it. And that was great when, after Weisman, or Amritaj, or both, kept talking about all the stars who came through the Tennis Channel desk in Miami, you noted they were all guys and where were the women? There's way too much bro culture going on with those two for this male senior citizen's taste and you are a terrific antidote to that.
I have been an avid tennis fan for decades, and you are, in my opinion, one of the very best commentators ever.
Seconded. Beautiful writing
Andrea this is a great piece. Thank you for exposing us to this part of the life of professional tennis.
Wow Andrea! I love reading your writings…you are a literary virtuoso. “The solitude that comes with it, stitched into the seems of the fabric, invisible, sown by a master, is merely a side effect.”
Another great piece, thank you Andrea!
In Charles Darwin’s terms, tennis is a natural selector that identifies those humans that can manage the fine line between solitude and loneliness. Those that can’t, will get out of the sport.
I guess tennis players are even attracted by the constant 1-on-1 battles and the permanent tests demanding you to show that you can survive on your own. And if you survive on a tennis court, sure as hell you will withstand all the off-court challenges.
such a good question! do you choose tennis because you like being alone or do you learn to be alone because of tennis?
I would lean for the former. Tennis involves so many/frequent defeats, each one with such strong emotional impact, that you don't have time or aren't emotionally ready to learn. It has to be inate (and probably associated with stubborness?).
Being very bright and intellectually inclined brings its own kind of loneliness in this world but seems like a cross to bear as a professional jock. You’ve skillfully captured the bleakness of competition, the remorseless effort to join the Valhalla of athletic gods. (Even that great warrior, Rafael Nadal, does not wish the lonely life of tennis on his son.) Very brave writing indeed - welcome to the gray everyday of regular folk where you are certainly making lots of friends.
OMG - Lost in Translation is one of my favorite movies of all time. My favorite two scenes are
the heart felt conversations in bed and the last scene when he whispers in her ear.
There is something so deeply complicated yet honest about those scenes. I read an interview by Director Sofia Coppola who said the movie was loosely based on a personal experience. In the interview she also laments about how she struggled to contact Bill Murray about appearing in the movie. Apparently he has agent that he checks in with every blue moon. She had to call the agent repeatedly only to hear, I have no idea where he is? Thank God she was able to track him down.
I think what the movie captures what it is to be all alone on the road without any of your daily artifices to distract and protect you.
The question I have for you, which you didn't touch on, is what is it to have to say goodbye
to everything and everyone every week. Granted you will see the traveling tennis circus next week.
but I'm talking about the people on the ground.
I was lucky enough for a decade to be on the chair committee for a WTA Event in San Diego. There used to be a summer swing between Wimbledon and The US Open that including a tournament in Palo Alto, San Diego, and Los Angeles.
In spite of making some great long term relationships with tour folks, umpires, and players
my favorite people were tournament attendees.
The first one was a nerdy kid who used to have the girls autograph a baseball. He also brought flowers. At first we thought he was a geek. One day I started to talk to him and his story blew me away. He worked at Burger King. He took a week's vacation every year to come to the tournament.
He rode the bus 45 minutes every day to come to the tournament. That day he went from geek to hero. We upgraded his seats and introduced him to everyone.
The second was an older gentlemen named Phil Verplanck. Over a few years I noticed he was always standing in the corner of the stadium during matches. He was very quiet, polite and low key, yet he seemed to know a lot of players. One day I introduced myself and heard his story. Wow! He was a retired oil and fellow Yale alum. Late in life he fell in love with tennis. Although he lived in LA he used to drive to every Stanford women's tennis matches. After that we always met for dinner on the eve of the tournament and when I went to LA for the tournament we would go together. One year at the tournament we left a lopsided stadium to watch Lori McNeill play doubles on an outside court. As we approached the court I saw former basketball great Wilt Chamberlin and actress Robin Givens sitting on the benches watching the match. Chamberlin came to our tournament and a reputation for putting autograph seeking fans in their place. As we walk closer to the court I was filled with anxiety that we were going to get an ear full. Chamberlin turned around to my surprise he said "Phil, Phil Verplanck?, How in the hell are you?"
Sorry for the long comment :)
Lovely post today!
this is beautiful! thank you for taking the time to write it down. i wish i could‘ve met phil and the nerdy kid :)
You might have not met Phil or the nerdy kid, but I'm sure you met people like them.
People, who if you peel the onion a few layers deep, have amazing stories.
Another character was Eric Von Harpen. I'm not sure if you knew him, he was a German tennis coach that worked with Conchita Martinez and Anna Kournikova, to name a few.
He was gruff and a little harsh, but he needed a drinking buddy at night and I had the free time. He dragged me to more than a few late night bars to be the wingman. He had a quick eye for a pretty ankle back then!
Good stuff.
You might be interested to know that they also have a Minister of Lonliness in NY - it’s Dr. Ruth.
This is not a joke!
https://www.governor.ny.gov/news/governor-hochul-appoints-dr-ruth-westheimer-new-york-states-honorary-ambassador-loneliness
call me, dr. ruth 😂
This is actually an excellent article about how Dr. Ruth has recognized loneliness as a major societal problem and is attempting to do something about it.
I’m enjoying your writing - keep it up!
https://www.nytimes.com/2023/11/09/nyregion/dr-ruth-loneliness-ambassador.html
Wow, Andrea. I am actually a bit chagrined — as a professionally trained journalist — to say that this is a brilliant piece of writing. I have felt many of those same moments traveling for gigs. Well done!
I have sent you an email about a doc I am working on related to tennis players. Might you read or reply? ambrune@gmail.com. Keep up the great writing — it’s a bit Didionesque.
These feelings apply to chess players often as well. When you're working your hardest to compete and the tournaments don't come to you, a person often has to learn the language of hotels, and the art of enjoying others alone.
This is why I take my folding travel bike with me on travel. Jump on the bike and go see what is out there beyond the chains of the 3 blocks around the hotel. Strava shows you where local bikers ride for options and routes to follow. And my bike video records all kinds of fun cameos.
Great commentating, enlightening with all that hard won insight into players's minds. Here's a poem about posture and loneliness you might relate to.
https://westonpparker.substack.com/p/the-dance-floor
beautiful poem, weston!
Andrea the Muse.....you are exposing the 'Lies by omission' .......in sports for every 'winner' who gets all the focus and spotlight a massive trail of blood, sweat and tears is shed by the competitors....should everyone get a gold star?.....hardly, for that is the commoditization of our Humanity which is seen and experienced in the de-Humanizing modern world we reside of non-offending decor and food which does not challenge your palate you speak of.......no, the greatness of the Human experience lies in conflict but from that conflict we must find peace, resolution and reconciliation (mostly with ourselves).....you are on this journey and have enlisted we readers on it too.
This is spectacular writing. Wow. Well done.
As your career went on, did you find it easier to make friends on tour? I know Maria Sharapova reportedly chose not to make friends among people she was going to compete against - but I always assumed that was an exaggerated media take. Chris Evert certainly seemed to have friends despite being 100% "I'll claw your eyes out" on the court.
Early in my writing career, I got to go on a fair amount of business trips, which enabled me to experience a number of US cities I might not have ever been to otherwise, or got me to places I wanted to go sooner than I could have done on my own. But as I've gotten older, I've grown grateful for traveling less for business - maybe once a year now - I like my own bed, my things, my dog.
But I won't deny as a weekend tennis player and avid fan of the ATP and WTA tours, I certainly romanticized the tour life. A trip every spring to Rome and Paris! London in the summer, New York at the end of the summer. Etc. Now that I am older I know that "glamor" viewed from the outside often is not what we'd expect. But I hope you took at least as much good as bad from your experiences.
If you were unhappy, it did not come across from your engaging behavior when you played, including your beloved victory dance.
dear joe, it was much easier later in my career when i had made friends on tour - i really enjoyed traveling in the end. the beginning was rough because everything is new and you‘re afraid that making friends with your rivals will affect your game. but with maturity came friends and life was much easier!
This is a truly beautiful piece. Thank you.
You're like a rare bird that lands on a windowsill, glowing with a fascinating energy and a song that piques curiosity - except your melody is coming out in words now too and I get it.
Over the years I learned how to embrace the solitude and melancholy I feel, sometimes more intensely than others. It's kind of powerful when you channel it. Hope to share a slice sometime, even if imaginary.
-fuzzy
You raise the intelligence level of Tennis Channel whenever you are on it. And that was great when, after Weisman, or Amritaj, or both, kept talking about all the stars who came through the Tennis Channel desk in Miami, you noted they were all guys and where were the women? There's way too much bro culture going on with those two for this male senior citizen's taste and you are a terrific antidote to that.