The Art of Traveling
"This song for mariners and all their ships."
As I lay awake last night trying to make out a glimmer of light somewhere outside of my window, refusing to check my phone for the time because I knew what was coming, I asked myself why. Why on earth do I still travel the world chasing tennis balls like an obsessed dog while my plants rot back at home when I could be at my house watching my plants rot in real time? Unfortunately, I was not blessed with a green thumb.
I used that cursed thumb to make my phone light up after all and it was just as I had thought: 3:30am. Long gone the bed time and still hours to go until waking hour. I started doing what any self-respecting human being would do in that moment. I began going through every single mistake I had ever made since I was 12 years old. All the matches I lost, all the people I fired, all the wrong questions I asked. All the matches I won that I shouldn’t have, all the people that fired me (from their lives) and all the questions I should’ve asked. I manoeuvred myself into a midlife crisis, nay, a mid-night crisis.
Anyone who has ever traveled to another time zone knows that there is a word for this: jet lag. The light outside (or lack thereof) is signalling to your body that it’s time to sleep and yet you’re wide awake it’s morning. Or the other way around.
Having traveled the world for over two decades now, here is what you need to know in case you suddenly decide to become a professional tennis player.
Not everyone’s made for travel.
I’ve seen many talented tennis players - more talented than I was, more talented than some of your favourite players are - who never made it because they hated being away from home. They missed their friends and their routine and traveling to an unknown city threw them of their game so much that they, well, were off their game. Being a tennis player is so much more than just hitting the ball well. It’s about leaving home 30 times a year with the possibility of not returning for months. It’s about having a stomach that can digest any type of food in different areas of the world and still compete. It’s about being able to fall asleep when it’s technically day back home and about remaining asleep when the adrenaline of a won night session match is still pumping through your veins. It’s about liking the big stage. It’s about being lonely for most of the time. If you’re not made for travel, you’re not made for tennis.
Have a ritual upon arrival which will make you feel at home. But always remember, it’s not your home.
Every time I arrive in a new place I do several things to make me feel like this is my place now. Home is where I lay my hat. I unpack my bags and place all of the books I brought on the nightstand next to my bed. In case of acute loneliness a glance towards the stack will remind me of all the lives and people in there and will make me feel less lonely. I do things I wouldn’t at home. I order room service and eat in bed, a towel spread over the sheets. I take a shower or a bath and leave the used towels on the floor. If you’ve never ordered an excessive amount of room service items, so many you had to lie about how many people will be dining tonight, you haven’t done it right. You’re not home, you’re in the process of creating a temporary one. The great thing about creation is you start from zero. Anything goes. Even oil stains on sheets and crumbs in bed. Be creative but stay away from candles. Whatever you do, do NOT light candles in your hotel room. Trust me on this one.
Leaving your hotel room is essential.
You’ve now built a temporary home and the outside world is scary. It’s natural to give in to your instincts that yell at you at the top of their lungs to stay put. Do not go out, do not risk it. I’m here to tell you, you need to get out of your hotel room. Going to a bar for seltzer water with lime a book in hand counts as socialising when traveling. Drinking a coffee while out for a walk (very New York) counts as socialising. Saying hi to a retail person who thinks they are better than you definitely counts as socialising. When I was in New York for the first time, the city scared me so much that the only thing I did all 3 weeks long was to go across the street to a Starbucks and order peppermint tea. Now, you can’t go back to your rotting plants and tell them how you went to New York and only made it across the street to Starbucks. On top of dying they now also have to listen to a very boring story. I overcame my fear of the world and my perpetual bewilderment of the human race and I now live in New York. No, I do not go to Starbucks anymore.
Order the Asian option on long-haul flights.
If you’re lucky enough to be on one of the following airlines: Thai Air, Singapore Airlines, Cathay Pacific and so and so forth, always and I can’t stress this enough ALWAYS order the Asian option on the menu. Dry cabin air and reduced air pressure decrease the sensitivity of taste buds by up to 30%. So make sure you order the spiciest, most flavourful dish you can find. It will taste just right. While we’re on air travel, carry a spray bottle filled with filtered water and make sure you wet your face every couple of hours. Your skin will thank me later. I will spare you the stay hydrated part of air travel but if you’re so inclined, I always carry electrolyte tablets with me on long flights. Dress nicely. I know you want to put on your cozy pants and drift away into nothingness but I once fell onto the most beautiful man in the world, a blonde Danish hunk who imported coffee from Vietnam, while trying to climb over him to get to the bathroom. Our love never flourished largely because I wore a hideous tracksuit but possibly also because I fell onto him while he was sleeping. It’s hard to tell after so many years. On that note, if you know you pee a lot, get an aisle seat.
Use the Timeshifter app.
I’m not in any way affiliated with this app. Strangely enough, the app was recommended to me by Audrey Tang. This might sound crazy to some who know who Audrey Tang is. Audrey was Taiwan’s first Minister of Digital Affairs and in her spare time Audrey saves people like me from jet lag. It was one of these strange New York dinners where you’re surrounded by the most interesting people. To be honest, I did not fully follow the AI talk and the software vocabularies and to be even more honest I thought DOGE, a word that constantly fell that night, was just a fancy French way of pronouncing dog. But I did download the Timeshifter app when I got back home. You type in your flight itineraries and the app tells you exactly when to sleep, when to drink coffee, when to nap, when to see light. It didn’t defeat my Australian jet lag, the nastiest of all, but it definitely pulled its teeth and made it harmless enough.
Be curious.
This is the most important advise I will ever give and it goes out to those who travel a lot. When you travel a lot for work, traveling becomes part of your every day life. A routine, a to-do-list, a thing you push through to get to the good stuff. Try to remain curious no matter how tiring travel can be. Force yourself to go see the Royal Botanical Gardens or the one museum you had on your list. Make yourself walk the extra mile to go to the good coffee shop and while room service is okay on arrival day do not make it a habit. In the end, traveling the world is a privilege just as much as playing tennis as a job is a privilege. Try to remind yourself of this fact at least once a day. Ask questions, even the wrong ones, befriend the locals, go see Shakespeare in the park. When all else fails, have a beer at the hotel bar and watch the business men who come there every day with their wrinkled suits and their pale faces and their tired expressions. Do not become one of them. At least iron your damn suit.
Things that make me happy:
While I was working at the Australian Open I got so busy and preoccupied that I completely forgot to read. An uneasy restlessness took ahold of me and never quite loosened its grip. I’ve been back home for a few days and reading is all I need to feel like I belong. My current re-read is Stephen Kings brilliant book On Writing.
Things that make me unhappy:
While I joked about my rotting plants, I actually did come home to a few of them letting their dry brownish leaves hang in exquisite sadness. I shed a few tears and in panic mode threw water, coffee grounds and fertiliser at them in an overly optimistic hope they could be saved. I’ll keep you updated but at least two of them are on their last breath. Except for one. The asshole one which I named Paul is absolutely thriving. As if he was just waiting for me to finally piss off and leave him alone. What an asshole.
This is it for this week’s newsletter. I’m sure you’ve learned absolutely nothing but at least I haven’t learned anything either. This is how we remain united. Just like lemon and ginger. See you all next week.
Yours truly, Andrea
I may have laughed out loud at the photo where your sartorial choices have seemingly converged with that of a 5-year old boy. Glitch in the Matrix methinks 😂
Always a pleasure to read you. Thank you Andrea!