I already told you all about my existential angst when I retired but I withheld one minor detail. Apart from the fear and the worries and my identity collapsing there was a moment of absolute triumph, too. About a week into retirement, I was just getting used to a life of processed sugar and alcohol, I got an electronic letter from the ITF (International Tennis Federation). It asked me to sign a form to take myself off a) the world ranking and b) THE ANTI-DOPING LIST. Normally one to drag out bureaucratic obligations, I never signed a form quicker in my life. Free at last. I felt like Braveheart overcoming the English (yes, I do know it’s a fictional movie).
Never did I imagine the life of a top 100 tennis player was akin to a ne'er-do-well with an ankle monitor. Actually, that ne'er-do-well probably has it easier...
My go-to bird like actor is Sean Harris. Peak birdness =The Borgias.
One of the reasons I never became a professional tennis player—that thing about letting them know your whereabouts would drive me crazy. That, and I’m terrible at tennis. Love your writing!
That's really just an astonishing take. For all the press about drug testing I don't know that I have ever read a thorough explanation of the burden all athletes bear for just a few bad apples. Of course, when you think about it, they would ask for constant whereabouts.
Although, frankly, I was sort of expecting by 2024 that since everyone has a cell phone instead of whereabouts it could be something like (a) what city and (b) I don't know, 2 hours notice or something?
Or is it possible to take some sort of masking agent if you have two hours notice. Hmm.
It also makes me sad because I have never felt that tennis really lends itself to doping, unless they have come up with some super drug which allows you to track tennis balls moving at 100 Mph+ better. Or a super drug which gives you perfect timing. Anyway, on to Wimbledon. :)
I just saw the play “Hamlet” with it’s similar sounding existential angst. This production actually began with the famous “to be or not to be” soliloquy (because why not get to the good stuff right away). His “whereabouts” are likewise scrutinized.
Buying watermelon is such a gamble. Living in Canada, it's often the case that the watermelon is not ripe enough and just tastes completely of rind (if like anything at all). The path to a procuring the perfect melon could be the subject of an entire post. Would definitely pee more than 90mL the way that I eat them.
Tip on watermelons- we got the best ones here in Texas/the USMX border: PICK THE ONE WITH THE DARKEST AND BIGGEST YELLOW SPOT! -Oh and be careful with those which are look-alikes yellow spots! The farmers put sometimes a patch of dirt to lure you into buying them. #AndsweetGoldenRainForAll lol
What a pleasure to read your stuff. It reminds me of the joy of watching good carpenters working. I don't have to work like that anymore but I sure do enjoying watching it. thanks
I've always thought that if I have to pee in a cup for someone to run their "tests", I should be able to ask for a sample of theirs to run my own little tests too. Spoiler alert: it never works ... 😤😂
This could have gone in an entirely different direction, flying to Wimbledon with Amazon Prime money and no piss cup...let's break out the coke. Instead we have men who look like birds.
Peeing in a cup and Amazon Prime... somewhere, there is a "streaming" joke waiting to be told.
😂
It’s amazing that more violations don’t happen. Sounds like you’re constantly being tethered to a plastic urine sample cup, kind of dehumanizing.
It’s really interesting to read about all that happens behind the scenes on tour.
I’d love to read more about your workout routines and dietary regimen while on tour.
You still look phenomenally fit.
good idea for one of my next newsletter!
Never did I imagine the life of a top 100 tennis player was akin to a ne'er-do-well with an ankle monitor. Actually, that ne'er-do-well probably has it easier...
My go-to bird like actor is Sean Harris. Peak birdness =The Borgias.
omg sean harris is as birdy as they come 😻
One of the reasons I never became a professional tennis player—that thing about letting them know your whereabouts would drive me crazy. That, and I’m terrible at tennis. Love your writing!
That's really just an astonishing take. For all the press about drug testing I don't know that I have ever read a thorough explanation of the burden all athletes bear for just a few bad apples. Of course, when you think about it, they would ask for constant whereabouts.
Although, frankly, I was sort of expecting by 2024 that since everyone has a cell phone instead of whereabouts it could be something like (a) what city and (b) I don't know, 2 hours notice or something?
Or is it possible to take some sort of masking agent if you have two hours notice. Hmm.
It also makes me sad because I have never felt that tennis really lends itself to doping, unless they have come up with some super drug which allows you to track tennis balls moving at 100 Mph+ better. Or a super drug which gives you perfect timing. Anyway, on to Wimbledon. :)
I just saw the play “Hamlet” with it’s similar sounding existential angst. This production actually began with the famous “to be or not to be” soliloquy (because why not get to the good stuff right away). His “whereabouts” are likewise scrutinized.
Your writing is a hit…
a palpable hit 🤺
Buying watermelon is such a gamble. Living in Canada, it's often the case that the watermelon is not ripe enough and just tastes completely of rind (if like anything at all). The path to a procuring the perfect melon could be the subject of an entire post. Would definitely pee more than 90mL the way that I eat them.
Tip on watermelons- we got the best ones here in Texas/the USMX border: PICK THE ONE WITH THE DARKEST AND BIGGEST YELLOW SPOT! -Oh and be careful with those which are look-alikes yellow spots! The farmers put sometimes a patch of dirt to lure you into buying them. #AndsweetGoldenRainForAll lol
What a pleasure to read your stuff. It reminds me of the joy of watching good carpenters working. I don't have to work like that anymore but I sure do enjoying watching it. thanks
I've always thought that if I have to pee in a cup for someone to run their "tests", I should be able to ask for a sample of theirs to run my own little tests too. Spoiler alert: it never works ... 😤😂
This could have gone in an entirely different direction, flying to Wimbledon with Amazon Prime money and no piss cup...let's break out the coke. Instead we have men who look like birds.